When God was young, he was quite adventurous. Not like now, the old fart that he is for even the gods can get old, in soul or in mind or in whitening off ones beard. When God was young, he didn't grow any hair on his chin, for it was a sign of slovenliness and squalor, at least in a time of Caesar. And so all the gods started shaving their manly cheeks clean, in a Roman fashion, for they loved them dearly - they helped them to conquer half the world, did they not? Then the great emperor Hadrian was the first one of all Caesars to grow a beard. And if we were to believe Plutarch, the Chronicler of Men, my dear fellow, he did it to hide his scars. Since God was his lover, he himself grew a beard out of love and never shaved it off ever again. (I believe not in gods questioning their sexuality like mere mortals do, that would be beneath them, nor they are as petty as they supposedly should be). Also, God wanted to look more like Zeus used to.
When God was young, he was quite adventurous. He had a boyish crush on Hera and so they spent most of their lazy afternoons together on mount Olympus (for God didn't have his own place yet, now known as Heaven) and when time to aid Iason came, God set off to help him for Hera was quite affectionate towards the young hero. And so, God sailed with the Argonauts to get a Golden Fleece. This is where God learnt that killing is not the only way to win for Iason didn't slay a dragon, the guardian of the fleece. With the help of enchanting Medea, he lulled the dragon to sleep. And so Iason saved a life and for that he was greatly rewarded by not getting his rightful throne of Iolcus and by eventually pissing of his wife.
When God was young, he was quite adventurous. And every time he reminisces about Iason and the Argonauts, he feels as if his cheeks are clean shaved yet again.
Delicious!
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